


Wtf, Harris!?!

by gbernadon



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crack, M/M, Spiders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-03
Updated: 2013-05-03
Packaged: 2017-12-10 08:06:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/783752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gbernadon/pseuds/gbernadon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are moments when Stiles actually questions his sanity. Moments like this one to be exact. Ever since his live turned 180 degrees into the wrong direction also known as the supernatural, he is constantly facing all kinds of threats; like the gigantic spider that is currently crawling towards him. To be fair, how couId he have known that  Harris' secret identity is Hagrid and that he likes to keep huge arachnids in his backyard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wtf, Harris!?!

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything in a long time due to personal reasons, but I started this on my phone a few days back. This does not make much sense.
> 
> Important!: there is only one-sided Sterek in this and not even much of that, but I decided to tag it Sterek anyway because some people might complain... also this has not been beta-ed.
> 
> Enjoy!

There are moments when Stiles actually questions his sanity. Moments like this one to be exact. Ever since his live turned 180 degrees into the wrong direction also known as the supernatural, he is constantly facing all kinds of threats; like the gigantic spider that is currently crawling towards him. To be fair, how couId he have known that Harris' secret identity is Hagrid and that he likes to keep huge arachnids in his backyard.

 

Stiles admits that maybe he should not be on his chemistry teacher's property anyway, but now it is a little bit too late to show remorse. He knows that he has no chance beating the eight-eyed monster on his own, unarmed as he currently is. So he goes with flattery instead.

 

"Aren't you one fine specimen of a spider? Your hair seems so soft and well taken care of. Does Harris use conditioner." The spider just continues to stare at him with all of its eyes. "Your eyes are really pretty too. They shine so brightly. And that pitch-black is captivating. I'm entranced."

 

Unfaced by the words of the teen, the spider etches closer. It slowly raises one of its Iegs/arms? Wording isn't Stiles' priority right now. Especially as it is probably trying to touch him. No, let's take this back. It's definitely touching him. At least it isn't slimy like the Jackson used to be. He honestly doesn't want to be covered in spidey goo. Unless it is Andrew Garfield's; which is another story entirely and SO not important at the moment.

 

When there is a fighting scene in cartoons and shit is going to happen they always show it again from another point of view to increase the thrilI factor. If this also happens in real life, Stiles is convinced that it would be taking place right now. Beads of sweat are running down his face and his only hope is that the beast will swallow him whole.

 

With his eyes closed he concentrates on all the wonderful things this world has to offer: Lydia's strawberry blond locks (only because he has accepted that they will never be more than just friends, it does hat mean that he cannot admire her beauty), his baby girl (his car), freshly fried curly fries, Derek's jawline, Derek's abs, Derek's scruff... Wait a minute. Why is he so stuck on Derek? Anyway, where was he? Chocolate waffles, his bromance with Scott, porn (of the straight, gay and whatever variety), Derek's arms wrapped around his body like they are right now...What?

 

Suddenly he awakens from his frightened stupor, and dares to glimps at the handsome man, correction: werewolf, who seems to have dragged him away from danger. Derek must have killed the spider, or at least beaten it unconscious because it isn't moving any more. To Stiles' disappointment, he is quickly released out of Derek's strong hold, because apparentIy the spider is more interesting to him than StiIes' hot bod. Boo.

 

"Give me a hand, will you" he hears the werewolf say, who is trying to lift the enormous pile of spider into his jeep. 0k hell to the no! Not on Stiles' watch. " Listen to me Wolfie! You may have just saved me from becoming spider poo, but that doesn't give you the right to soil my baby with dead bits!" - "It's not dead." Is all he gets as a response.

 

He gives in, in the end. After all, the damage has already been done. The hairy legs have already touched his upholstery.. Stiles even takes them to the oId Hale house. Just in time, as it seems, as the spider is returning to the living. "Well Derek, if you're going to keep it, you have got to name it!" he states, fighting the urge to poke it with a stick. "Aragog," the man mumbles, a slight blush peeking out of his stubble. "You closet-geek!" Stiles giggles and reaches out to shove hin playfully. He is stopped however, by a giant Aragog, who has apparently decided that Derek is his new master and that the 200 pounds of muscular werewolf are in dire need of protection from his scrawny little self. Startled by the the giant beast, he lets out a very manly shriek. (Shrieks can be manly!)

 

Which Derek (that bastard!) finds hilarious, if his roaring laughter is anything to go by. “Fuck you!” Stiles grits out between his teeth. “Fuck you, Derek. this is so not funny!” Sadly, this only seems to animate the man even more. Even the spider seems to be mocking him. It has this very special glint in his eyes. All eight of them! Whatever. Stiles is so out of here. Angrily he stomps away. He will let them live their happy ever after. They don’t need his presence for that. Meanwhile he will masturbate to images of Derek laughing, and the way his muscles flex when he does. Just because he can.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: None of the characters mentioned belong to me, neither does the name Aragog and all it entails.


End file.
